Shifting Your Orientation
As Pat Ogden, the founder of Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, explains, “our orienting response helps us select what we pay attention to, moment by moment, in the world around us. When an external stimulus is found engaging (e.g. a beautiful sunset or friendly puppy) or demands our attention (e.g. an unexpected noise or crying child), we ‘orient’ to, or direct our sensory ‘radar’ toward, this stimulus. Orienting can be a conscious choice or an involuntary reflexive instinct. Voluntary orienting has to do with choosing what you pay attention to.”
You are currently “oriented” towards reading this and the words here. Should your phone ring, your attention may shift towards that sound and wonder who is calling you. Where we are oriented changes from moment to moment.
Someone who grew up in a household where there were frequent arguments may have adapted by orienting toward anything that could upset a caregiver. When this child observed a furrowed brow or heard a slammed door they would likely then begin to feel fearful or anxious that a fight was about to happen.
This orienting response is extremely adaptive and likely contributed to this child keeping themself more physically and emotionally safe through adverse experiences. But if left unchecked or worked through, this orienting response can become stuck and maladaptive at a certain point.
Let’s say this same child grows up and is in a relationship with someone who sets clear boundaries and communicates needs or hurt feelings with relative ease. Despite the fact that this relationship is clearly different than the one they experienced growing up, they struggle to not constantly feel fearful or anxious that conflict could arise at any given moment.
Anytime their partner appears tense after a long day at work, they quickly notice it and may feel anxious that their partner is upset with them. This person will automatically orient to what may be “wrong” (the tension in the partner’s body) instead of being able to notice and take in more positive cues (their partner brought home takeout from their favorite restaurant and expressed looking forward to spending a relaxing night together).
Like most aspects of healing and growth, shifting our orienting responses is an awareness-building process. You cannot change that which you don’t have awareness of. I recommend beginning to become curious about what you automatically orient towards.
Today or this week - track if you orient to certain things more than others:
Signs of potential threat
People who look friendly
Nature
Praise or compliments
Animals
Criticism or negative comments
Objects (furniture, cars, buildings)
Signs of relational strife with family, friends, colleagues, or partners
People you find attractive
Noises (pleasant or unpleasant)
Signs of positive relationships with family, friends, colleagues, or partners
How do you feel depending on what you orient towards? If you notice that you are orienting towards unpleasant noises and unfriendly interactions when you are out in the world, practice setting an intention of orienting towards nature, pleasant noises, and/or people who look friendly before going out on a walk. Notice how easy or difficult this is; notice how orienting to these things impacts how you feel emotionally and in your body.
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Warmly,
Ellen