Is This Dissociative Vs Is This Relaxing?
In my last newsletter, I wrote about the spectrum of dissociation and how dissociating can be a tool to escape from emotionally, mentally, and/or physically painful experiences. As I have been going through a period of grief this past month, I have gotten to know my relationship with dissociation more deeply. As I have gotten curious about this for myself, I have found myself wondering about the difference between rest that feels restorative and rest that feels more like a collapse and could be more dissociative.
The same activity could be restorative or dissociative depending on how it makes you feel internally.
Scenario One: After a long day, you arrive home and immediately flop down onto your couch and turn on your favorite television show. You may notice your breathing eventually slows down and feels deeper, you feel nourished by the comfort around you, maybe you are fully engaging with the show that you are watching. In this scenario you are actively soaking up the rest and relaxation of watching television on your couch.
Scenario Two: After a long day, you arrive home and immediately flop down onto your couch and turn on your favorite television show. You may be aware of a feeling of collapse in your body, maybe your mind is somewhere else thinking about the stressors of the day, you may even have to rewind the show a few times because you zoned out to what was happening. After the episode(s) are over, you feel lethargic and maybe even more drained then when you first got home.
There is nothing inherently wrong or bad about either scenario. As I previously explained, “It can be extremely adaptive for a person’s brain and nervous system to utilize dissociation in an unsafe or stressful experience. This can help many folks to survive situations that they otherwise might not have been able to. But if left unchecked and unprocessed, this unconscious survival strategy of dissociating can get ‘stuck on’.”
For those who find themselves resonating more often than not to Scenario Two, I encourage you to get curious about this state of collapse you find yourself in. Are there certain life stressors that are feeling overwhelming? Maybe you are out of your Window of Tolerance more often than you realize. Are there other activities that you could turn towards in these moments of stress, overwhelm, or burnout that could support you in feeling more rested rather than zoned out?